We often talk about mindset shifts, reframing adversity, and finding the hidden opportunity in every setback.
But here’s the honest truth we sometimes skip:
Mindset is not a magical switch.
The other morning, I made a near-perfect cup of coffee. Then I bumped it with my elbow while rinsing the frothing pitcher.
Thankfully, spilling cold brew coffee didn’t burn anything. It merely dampened my spirit—and my floor.
Coffee ended up on the counter, down the cabinets, and across the kitchen floor.
I felt frustrated.
My first reaction involved a word or two I won’t repeat here. My kids might read this someday. But that reflex lasted only a few seconds.
I watched the coffee spreading across the counter and floor, then took a slow breath: in for four, out for six.
That breath didn’t magic away the spill. It didn't restore the coffee. It simply gave me enough space to see what was actually happening and decide what to do next.
As I cleaned, I opened the cabinet under the sink—something I hadn’t done in far too long. I found a few useful surprises: the wasp spray I thought I needed to buy, stovetop cleaner, and a few supplies I’d forgotten were there.
(Yes, I felt genuinely pleased about finding cleaning products. Maybe that’s one way adulthood announces itself.)
I wiped down the counter and cabinets, mopped the floor, and made more coffee.
The second foam wasn’t nearly as good as the first. Still, I sat down to write, reflect, read, and continue with my morning.
It wasn’t a profound transformation. It was just spilled coffee.
And that’s the point.
Frustration is allowed
Sometimes people talk about reframing as though every inconvenience must become an opportunity immediately.
But trying to force a positive interpretation when you feel genuinely angry, sad, overwhelmed, or exhausted doesn’t always help. Instead, it simply adds another layer of judgment:
“Why can’t I look on the bright side?”
“Why am I still upset?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Nothing’s wrong with you.
Sometimes something is simply frustrating.
That doesn’t give us permission to harm other people with our reactions. If frustration leads to aggression, cruelty, or behavior that hurts someone else, that deserves attention and repair.
But the feeling itself isn’t a failure.
You might be running late for work. Trying to get a child to an appointment. Heading to your own appointment. Picking someone up from the airport. Watching the final minutes of a playoff game you desperately wanted to see.
When something outside your control disrupts the plan, frustration may arrive before perspective does.
That’s human.
A reframe needs room
A mindset shift can be formative. It can shape how you live, the choices you make, and how you respond to difficulty.
But it only works when you feel genuinely open to it.
You can’t force yourself into readiness. You can’t shame yourself into feeling grateful. You can’t demand that every hard moment become meaningful before you’ve had time to process what it feels like.
Sometimes the most honest mindset shift is simply recognizing:
I’m not ready to reframe this yet.
That’s not giving up. It’s self-awareness.
The goal isn’t to remain stuck in frustration forever. The goal is to give yourself enough room to move through it without making the feeling evidence that something is wrong with you.
A weekend practice
As the weekend begins, try a different kind of shift.
Put your phone on silent—or turn the damn thing off for a while.
Look around at the people you’re with, or at the quiet space you’ve carved out for yourself.
Take a breath.
Connect with what brings you joy.
Recharge.
Rejuvenate.
Recalibrate.
Next week, you may be ready for a new perspective.
And if you’re not, perhaps the shift is learning that you’re allowed to need more time.
If you’re tired of treating every difficult moment like a problem to solve immediately, coaching can offer room to slow down, notice what’s true, and choose an honest next step.
